


What is Love?

by marchtwentyfour



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 19:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15347352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchtwentyfour/pseuds/marchtwentyfour
Summary: A oneshot told in a series of answers to the question, "What is love?"





	What is Love?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaeypop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeypop/gifts).



> Unbeta'd. I apologize in advance. I tried going through it but I definitely missed a lot.

**What is love?** Love is the first meeting, whether there is attraction or repulsion.

Bright lights flashing non-stop, loud music blaring throughout the room, bodies pressed stiffly on another person, and drinks overflowing as if the night is young and there is no tomorrow. 

Jinyoung downs his drink for the nth time, he doesn’t quite remember after all the glasses he’s had. His friends had long left him, all of them on the dance floor with equally attractive partners they’ve probably met just a few minutes ago. He stays there, not looking, he doesn’t want to see them particularly. So he drinks, drinks, downs and orders some more.

“Are you sure you want that?” A voice spoke up from the side, left or right, Jinyoung doesn’t really remember.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung says to no one, grabbing the drink from the waiter that had just put it down in front of him. He tried sipping on it, letting the alcohol burn his throat and his tongue and  _ his memories, please _ .

Jinyoung didn’t get to, he doesn’t really remember anything after that.

 

**What is love?** Love is the first memory you make, the one that you will always come back to whenever you need that fluttering of your heart.

When Jinyoung first met Jaebum  _ properly _ , they were on a bed and both of them were fully clothed. The walls were bare, painted in white, and with only three photos hung where the bed is facing. The window was on the right with the curtains shielding them from the sun.

“You’re awake?” The form beside Jinyoung asked, moving as well to surface from what seemed to be a tower of blankets. It was an attractive man with messy hair and a I-just-woke-up face that looked like it belongs on the cover of a magazine--the kind of guy that doesn’t give Jinyoung a second glance.

So Jinyoung does what he does best, “I’m sorry. I, uh, don’t know how I ended up here but I’m leaving--” and he was already pushing himself off the bed when a hand reached over and clamped itself on his wrist. “Uh?”

“What’s your name?” The man asked, his eyes twinkling with mirth and his mouth turned up in a way that says he’s amused. “I’m Im Jaebum, this is my house, and I had no idea where you lived so I brought you back here after you blacked out in the club.”

Words were fighting it’s way to come out of his mouth, thoughts were all jumbled up in his head and he doesn’t  _ know _ what to say first.

“Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung.” he answered instead, “I’m sorry. I can just, go now so I won’t bother you. Thank you for bringing me home and I’ll just. Leave.”

But Jaebum doesn’t let go of his wrist, “Stay for breakfast?”

Jinyoung doesn’t understand why he should say no when the man--Jaebum--had been so kind to him. So he agrees, smiling a little at Jaebum’s triumphant excitement.

Jinyoung stayed for breakfast. Then he stayed for lunch. Then he stayed for dinner, too. Soon he stayed for the night, their clothes long gone before they even reached the bed. Jaebum’s body was on top of him as Jinyoung lost words on how to describe the night.

Jinyoung stayed for more breakfasts after that.

 

**What is love?** Love is getting to know someone, the excitement of memorizing their every little quirk and finding out what makes them thick.

Im Jaebum is just a year older than him, Park Jinyoung. So it’s Jaebum  _ hyung _ .

Im Jaebum is a theater actor,  _ musical  _ to be very specific. Park Jinyoung watches some of the videos uploaded online and falls all over again.

Im Jaebum likes fried chicken from the store down the road over some fancy steak that will barely fill you up. They order two boxes with mixed flavours as they camp out in front of the TV to marathon the three  _ Iron Man  _ movies because “ _ Oh god, hyung! How could you not know about Iron Man movies?!” _

Im Jaebum likes to cuddle and is basically just a huge softie, a complete difference from the first impression of how Jinyoung first saw him. He is not ashamed to declare his feelings, to tell Jinyoung what he does and doesn’t like.

Park Jinyoung falls for everything that Im Jaebum does, everything that Im Jaebum says.

 

**What is love?** Love is pretending you’re happy when you’re not; pretending you can give them what they’ve always wanted.

The table is overflowing with food that Jinyoung knows by the end of the night will probably be packed away inside the fridge. He doesn’t say anything of the kind, instead, he grins at his lover and pressed a kiss on the other man’s cheek.

“Thanks, hyung. You didn’t have to, really.” Jinyoung waves at the table in front of him.

“But I wanted to,” Jaebum argues, “It’s a promotion, Nyoung! How can you not want to celebrate it?”

Jinyoung doesn’t explain why, or tells him what he actually does want to do. He doesn’t tell Jaebum what he wants, instead, is to travel and write rather than have a fancy new title and be stuck in the office for hours on end. He knows what this promotions means, he knows he would be reading words written by others rather than be writing his own. But he doesn’t say it, doesn’t say anything at all.

“Thank you, hyung.” Jinyoung is not a great actor like Jaebum is, doesn’t know how to project empty emotions on his face and make it seem like it matters. But he can do this, smile and laugh as if everything is  _ okay  _ when it’s not. It’s not.

Jaebum pours wine on two glasses and hands over one to Jinyoung as he raises his own. “To Park Jinyoung, the newest Editor-in-Chief of  _ Seoul Times _ .” And he sounds so happy, so proud, that Jinyoung knows he’s doing the right thing.

Jinyoung clinks his glass with Jaebum and they both take a sip.

Jaebum stares at Jinyoung, face suddenly void of all the laughter he had just a few seconds ago. “I have… I want to ask you something.”

“What is it, hyung?” Jinyoung doesn’t know how to interpret the way that Jaebum’s grip on the glasses suddenly seemed tight.

“Will you, um,” Jaebum breathes deeply, exhaling before the next words came out, “will you move in with me?”

The words register in Jinyoung’s brain before he actually understood the meaning of them. The overflowing food on the table, the decorations set up all over the apartment, the wine that Jaebum seemed to be saving for something big--it all suddenly made sense, more sense than a celebration for Jinyoung’s promotion.

“Yes, of course.”

 

**What is love?** Love is the irrational things you do, thinking it’s right.

Jinyoung clicks on the DELETE button with his shaky fingers, his eyesight blurring from the way he kept blinking the tears away. He uses his left sleeve to wipe away the tears, sniffing ever so slightly as he made sure there weren’t any copies left of the email on the laptop.

One step down, a little bit more to go.

The door of the bathroom opes, steam coming out, “Hey, Jinyoung-ah?” A head pokes through the wall, “Shower with me?”

Jinyoung pushes down the will to admit what he did, instead he puts on a smile on his face as he pretends his hands aren’t cold from what he’s done. “Sure, hyung. Just give me a second to get my towel--” He didn’t have to, because Jaebum is already walking towards him. “Uh, hyung, why are you…”

“Naked?” Jaebum grins, “I was taking a shower, who has clothes on when they’re showering?”

Jinyoung doesn’t answer because soon Jaebum’s body is pressed onto his, drenching his work clothes in water. He doesn’t get to say anything, doesn’t get to  _ think  _ anything as Jaebum swallows all thoughts and words from his with his mouth.

When Jinyoung steps into the bathroom, all thoughts of e-mails and lies were gone from his mind. All that is left is that here is Im Jaebum, the only person he had properly ever loved and possibly the only person that will ever love him, with his body pressed onto him and a smile directed at him.

 

**What is love?** Love is slowly killing yourself just to make sure the other person is happy.

Jinyoung stares through the window in his 15th floor office. The sky is a little bit dark today, rain sprinkling randomly and stopping as fast as it had come. He keeps wondering of the  _ what ifs  _ and the  _ could have beens  _ that it is killing himself slowly. He has a pile of work in front of him, a lot more emails that needs to be answered, and voicemails that has to be returned.

Park Jinyoung feels useless even through the numerous work he has to do.

It is another late night, for sure. The only thing that makes Jinyoung happy is the thought that when he comes home to the shared apartment, Jaebum will be there to welcome him home with a kiss and a warm hug.

Jinyoung looks wistfully at the outside world, wishing to be down there in the busy streets of Seoul where  _ things  _ happen instead of his lonely and quiet office. He has a countdown in his head of how long till he comes home.

His phone buzzes, announcing a text message.

**From: Jaebummie hyung** **  
** **Message: I have rehearsals tonight! I’ll be home late, probably even after midnight. Dinner out tomorrow? You can pick! Just let me know where :)**

Slowly putting down his phone, Jinyoung closes his eyes and heaves a deep breath.

Why is Jinyoung even still here, again?

 

**What is love?** Love cannot keep lies forever.

The sun was brighly spilling into the living room as Jinyoung lounged on the couch. He has a book on his lap, a calming music playing in the background, and their cat nuzzling his sides. It was one of those rare day-offs that he and Jaebum shared.

The door buzzed and swung open, Jinyoung assumed it was Jaebum who had volunteered to walk down to the bakery at the other side of the street.

“Hey, hyung. What did you get?” Jinyoung looked up from the book he was reading to see Jaebum standing by the doorway with a bunch of papers on hand. This was not a weird thing to see, but it is disconcerting to see Jaebum just standing there with his eyes on whatever paper he was holding. “Hyung—?”

And then there it was.

Jinyoung sees the logo on the envelope under the pile of papers.

_ Time. _

Immediately, Jinyoung was up from the couch with the book left with their cat. He walks, tentatively, towards Jaebum. 

Jaebum steps back.

“I thought it was my monthly subscription to the magazine.” Jaebum’s voice broke, disbelief obvious in his voice. “So I opened it, but… it wasn’t my magazine.”

Not knowing how much was written on the letter and how much is up in the open now, Jinyoung keeps his mouth shut. He waits for Jaebum to continue, waits for  _ anything  _ to happen right now.

“You…” Jaebum shook his head, putting the letter down on the table. “You applied for a writer’s position in  _ Times _ . In New York.”

“I applied there  _ months  _ before I even met you, hyung.” And that was the truth, he had applied before that night they had first met. He had already decided to leave Korea and fly to America where he will start his life all over.

Then he met Im Jaebum.

“You were accepted. You got the job. They picked  _ you _ out of numerous of applicants,” Jaebum tilted his head, looking confused. “But you turned them down. You applied for this and yet you turned them down. For what?”

“I—“ Jinyoung doesn’t know how to explain, “I got promoted. I changed my mind. I stopped—“

It was as if a light bulb lit up in Jaebum’s head, “For me.” Jaebum spoke, voice barely above a whisper. “You turned this down for  _ me _ , didn’t you?”

If Jaebum didn’t look like he’s been hurt, Jinyoung would make some remark about Jaebum thinks too highly of himself. As it stands, Jaebum was  _ right _ .

Jinyoung knows defeat. “I just met you then, hyung. For the longest time, I thought I was never going to find anyone here in Korea. Then I met  _ you  _ and you brought me home when I was drunk. You continued to see me even after that. You loved me and made me feel important. How could I want to leave all that? For what? For me to lose you?”

“This was your  _ dream _ . You’re stuck in a job that pays you well, but you don’t write anymore. You applied to this job because you wanted to write again, right?” Jaebum asked.

_ Because I wanted to travel again and to have my thoughts heard _ . Jinyoung didn’t even need to voice out his answer because his silence was enough.

“You shouldn’t have chosen me, Jinyoung.” Jaebum sounded defeated, walking towards where Jinyoung was standing still. He lifted his hand to place it gently on Jinyoung’s tense shoulders. “You don’t get to drop your dreams just because of a guy, Jinyoung-ah.”

“Not just  _ any  _ guy, hyung.  _ You. _ I did it for  _ you _ because I wanted to stay and see where  _ this _ was heading.” Jinyoung explained, trying to get Jaebum to understand his reasoning.

“You were unhappy for the longest time. I always assumed it was because you had to give up your apartment to move in here with me. But it was because of this, isn’t it? You were unhappy about your job, your promotion and having to say no to this chance?” Jaebum looked disappointed as he closed his eyes.

“I wanted to do it all for  _ you _ !” Jinyoung doesn’t know how to explain them. He doesn’t know how to put into words the decision he had made all those months ago.

Jaebum looks at him blankly, “But I never asked you to, did I?”

 

**What is love?** Love is letting go of the person for their own good.

Jinyoung doesn’t understand what he was doing. A few months ago he would’ve been very happy to be in this position. A few weeks ago he would’ve been extremely happy to be in this position. Today, however, he just doesn’t understand why he was in this position at all.

The airport was busy with people walking to and fro. There are voices mixing with others, words inaudible that Jinyoung cannot make sense of. Instead, Jinyoung looks at the board and sees his flight announced. He sighs and heads over to get checked-in, his heavy bag trailing after him.

For some reason, here is everything right in front of him to conquer—another life, another job, another  _ chance _ —yet Jinyoung feels like he’s empty. It’s like he’s leaving something  _ too good _ here instead of feeling the great possibilities ahead of him.

(Because he is, he is leaving something behind.)

Above all the announcements, the conversations and the random voices, Jinyoung hears  _ him _ , “Jinyoung-ah!” 

Jinyoung tries to keep his hopes down, tries very hard not to let his heart beat all over again. So he turns around and sees him, sees the face he has not seen in months. He’s forgotten how much that face knocks off his breathe until now because he felt his breath hitch.

The man walks over to him, smiling as if everything was fine and it hits Jinyoung hard. This might be the first time he’s seen him in months, but this is also the last time he’ll be seeing Im Jaebum in a while (forever?).

“Hi.” Jaebum smiles.

“Hi, hyung.” Jinyoung smiles back weakly. “How are you?”

“Good. How are you? How are you feeling?” Jaebum asked.

Jinyoung shrugs, “I’m nervous. It’s my first time out of the country and it’s a pretty long flight.” He doesn’t answer the first question because the answer is definitely not  _ good _ .

“Have a safe flight. You’ll be fine. Sleep through it and enjoy the business class. Maybe don’t drink some wine.” Jaebum smiles at him, “And have fun. Write. I better see your name on my Time magazine subscription, okay?”

Jinyoung laughs a little and shakes his head, “Noted, hyung.” He checks his watch, “I got to go. I still need to check-in and all that jazz.” He takes in Jaebum’s face and smiles. “Bye, hyung.”

Jaebum waves a little, “Bye, Jinyoung-ah.”

And Jinyoung walks away.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a birthday gift to @kaeypop but as I was writing the ending, I recently got into Stardew Valley so ofc I had to spend all my hours farming. Well that and I didn't like how it went so I stopped writing it. It's a bit different from my style of writing too. I'm so very sorry if it sucks? I'm also sorry it's so late!!!


End file.
